So, this is a weird one, but I’ve been thinking a lot about it and wanted to get some perspective.
I (42F) live in a suburban neighborhood with my two kids (8F and 6M). We have a fairly normal household: toys everywhere, meals at regular times, and plenty of space for kids to run around. My next-door neighbors have two children as well (7M and 5F), and their mom (let’s call her Karen, 35F) works full-time.
For the past year or so, her kids have been coming over pretty much every day after school. They play with my kids, we feed them snacks and sometimes dinner, and they just hang out in our house until their mom gets home or until it’s bedtime. Honestly, I enjoy having them over — they get along well with my kids, and it’s nice to help out a neighbor when she’s busy.
Lately, though, it’s gotten kind of awkward. Karen came over the other day looking visibly upset. She knocked on my door and said:
“I need to ask you something. Could you maybe hide some of the toys and food when my kids come over? I don’t want them showing off to me when we get home. They tell me everything they’ve eaten and every single toy they’ve played with, and honestly, it feels like you’re rubbing it in my face.”
I was caught off guard. I honestly hadn’t thought about it that way. To me, it’s just kids being kids. They talk about their day — sometimes excitedly about snacks or new toys — but I never told them to “show off” anything, and I certainly don’t flaunt anything to her.
I explained that to her:
“I’m not trying to show off anything. They just talk about what they did and what they played with. I don’t hide toys from my own kids, so I can’t exactly hide them from anyone. And we feed them because they’re kids, and I’m happy to help out while you’re working.”
She sighed and said that she appreciates that I watch her kids and feed them, but it still bothers her how much they talk about our house when they go back home. According to her, it makes her feel inadequate — that her house and her toys aren’t “as exciting” as ours.
I get it, to some extent. But here’s the thing: her kids are over multiple times a week, sometimes staying for dinner. I’m basically providing free babysitting a few times a week. We play together, they eat well, and I make sure they get along with my kids. And then she wants me to hide toys or act like it’s a “secret”? It just feels a little unreasonable.
To make matters worse, her kids have become quite vocal about what they like at our place. One of them will excitedly tell her:
“Mom, we had spaghetti and your neighbor has this super cool Lego set!”
Or
“Guess what? They have a whole drawer of Play-Doh colors!”
I understand that she doesn’t want her kids to constantly compare homes, but it’s not like I’m instructing my kids to talk about it. It’s just what kids do.
I tried suggesting a compromise:
“Maybe you could frame it as ‘fun stories from our day’ rather than seeing it as a comparison? I don’t want to hide anything, and the kids enjoy being here. They get along so well, and I think it’s good for them to socialize.”
She wasn’t thrilled and left, saying something like:
“I just don’t want my kids thinking that what we have at home isn’t enough. It feels like a constant show off.”
I feel conflicted. On one hand, I don’t want to hurt her feelings — she’s my neighbor, and I like having a good relationship. On the other hand, I don’t feel like I should have to hide toys or restrict my own kids’ playtime because her kids come over. And honestly, I don’t want to discourage them from coming over because it’s been a positive experience for all the kids.
I’ve also noticed that she doesn’t really offer anything in return — she’s grateful, but she hasn’t offered snacks, playdates at her place, or anything to balance it out. It’s not about money, but it does feel like I’m doing a lot of the work and responsibility, and now I’m being told I need to “tone it down” because it might hurt her feelings.
I’m trying to be fair: I don’t want her to feel inadequate or judged. I just also don’t think I’m doing anything wrong. My house, my rules, my kids — I don’t see how letting her kids play and eat here is “showing off.”
So, AITA here? Should I hide toys and food every time her kids come over? Or am I right in thinking that her reaction is a bit unreasonable, given everything I do to help out?
TL;DR: My neighbor’s kids frequently come over to our house to play and eat. When they go home, they tell her about everything they did here. She came over and asked me to hide toys and food so her kids don’t “show off.” I think I’m being unfairly criticized despite basically babysitting her kids regularly. AITA for letting them continue playing and eating at my place without hiding anything?