I (30F) have been going through a rough time at work lately.
Everything’s changing — new systems, new management, new expectations — and I feel like I can’t keep up anymore. I still work hard, but lately it feels like I’m constantly one step behind. Like everyone else just gets it, and I’m the only one pretending to hold it together.
It’s that horrible mix of exhaustion and fear — like the ground is slowly shifting under you, and you’re doing everything you can not to fall.
Honestly, I’ve been terrified that sooner or later I’m going to lose my job.
So I met up with a close friend for coffee and decided to be honest about how I felt.
I told her everything — that I was scared, overwhelmed, and constantly doubting myself. I even said something like, “I don’t think I’m good enough anymore.”
And I added, “If you ever hear about something at your workplace that might fit me, please let me know — I just need to have a plan B.”
I wasn’t fishing for compliments or advice. I just needed someone to listen and maybe say, “I get it. I’ll keep my ears open for you.”
But instead… she went straight into problem-solving mode.
She told me that indeed she’d seen some openings at her company and could send me the job list.
And before I could even process that, she added:
“You know, maybe you should do something nice for yourself. Like get your nails done — it might make you feel better.”
I just sat there, blinking.
I know she meant well.
And yes, self-care matters. I get it — taking care of yourself can help boost confidence and all that. But in that moment, I wasn’t struggling with low self-esteem — I was terrified that I was about to lose my livelihood.
Getting a manicure wasn’t going to fix the anxiety that I might soon not be able to pay my rent.
Still, she kept going with little pep talk lines like, “You’re too hard on yourself,” and “Maybe you just need a break.” And I found myself smiling and nodding, pretending it helped — when all I wanted was someone to say, “That sounds really scary. What can I do to help?”
Later, she texted me a long list of job postings from her company. None of them fit my background — it looked like she’d just forwarded the whole HR newsletter.
And again, I know she thought she was being supportive. But it felt like she’d completely missed what I was trying to say.
I didn’t need a manicure or a random job list.
I needed someone to just stay present, to say, “I hear you. You’re not alone. I’ll keep an eye out.”
It made me realize how rare that kind of listening actually is. Some people hear “I’m scared” and immediately translate it into “I need fixing.”
But not everything needs fixing. Sometimes you just need someone to stand next to you and not make it worse.
I’m not angry at her — just… disappointed.
And maybe a little sad that real empathy — the kind where someone just says “I’m here, I’ll listen, I’ll keep my ears open for you” — has become so rare.
Now I don’t even know if I want to open up again, because if that’s what vulnerability gets me, maybe it’s easier to just stay quiet and smile.