I (45F) have a friend whose friend found a puppy one night in the garden near her building’s bedroom window. She lives on the ground floor. My friend asked me if I could take the dog temporarily. My husband was hesitant, but after some discussion, we decided to bring the puppy home.
Although my daughters have begged for a pet for years, they’ve never consistently kept promises about chores, cleaning, or homework. I had promised that we could get a puppy only once they demonstrated responsibility. I thought this was a fair deal.
When the puppy arrived, my daughters were ecstatic. They named him “Buddy” and spent hours playing with him, laughing, and taking turns feeding him. The puppy was equally excited—he wagged his tail constantly, yipped happily, and even tried to climb onto the couch to snuggle. My husband and I were prepared for the chaos, but honestly, it felt like a joyful mess at first.
However, within a few days, the initial enthusiasm wore off. The girls went back to their old habits. They wanted Buddy, but they didn’t want the work. I started noticing patterns:
- They would play with him when it was convenient, but if he needed a walk or had an accident, they suddenly had homework “urgent assignments” or wanted screen time.
- Buddy barked and whined for attention, especially when one of the girls was watching a movie, but they would ignore him.
- He occasionally peed on the living room floor after a short garden visit, not because he was misbehaving, but because the timing was inconsistent.
- Tasks like washing his paws, refilling water, and brushing his fur were left entirely to me or my husband.
This demonstrates the classic disconnect between desire and responsibility—kids want the reward without the effort, and parents are left managing both the pet and their disappointment.
I tried talking to them several times.
“Girls,” I said gently, “Buddy needs walks and care multiple times a day. You agreed to help when we got him. Can you please take him out?”
“But Mom, I just want to watch my show,” my youngest whined.
“He’s just a puppy! He doesn’t understand TV schedules. We all have to pitch in,” I explained.
They pouted, but still nothing changed. After a week of repeating myself, I became frustrated. I told them:
“If you don’t start helping with Buddy every day, we may need to find him a home with a family that can give him the care he deserves.”
Cue the tears. They hugged him tightly and begged me not to give him away.
This moment highlights the emotional leverage pets have in families—children feel guilt and fear of loss, while the parent experiences moral stress trying to enforce rules.
My husband weighed in: “I think it’s fair. They wanted a puppy, but they need to learn responsibility. If we keep managing everything, they won’t ever grow up.”
I want them to learn, but I also hate seeing them cry. They truly love Buddy. Yet I feel trapped—if I let things slide, he may not get the care he needs; if I insist, I risk making them resent me.
We’ve tried compromises:
Despite all this, the underlying problem remains—they want the puppy without the responsibilities.
Here, the parent faces a dilemma common in family dynamics: teaching accountability versus avoiding conflict and emotional fallout. The tension between short-term comfort and long-term lessons is palpable.
I don’t know if I’m overreacting. Some friends say I’m being too harsh, threatening to give him away. Others agree that the girls need to learn that caring for another living being is not optional. I feel caught between enforcing rules, maintaining harmony, and protecting Buddy.
So… AITA for threatening to give our puppy away because my kids won’t help care for him? Or am I justified in setting boundaries, even if it leads to tears and temporary conflict?
The situation balances teaching responsibility, parental authority, and ethical treatment of pets. There is no perfect solution, but consistency, dialogue, and clear expectations are critical.
A puppy is a big decision, he is a member of the family just like kids are. Therefore, this decision is taken by both parents, similar to having another child. You shouldn’t expect the kids to care for the dog any more you would with another sibling. You and your husband should either be on the same page, or who really wants the dog cares for it, without asking for help (and making sure house is always clean after pee and poop without making your partner feel guilty).
We agreed to foster the puppy for the girls. The plan was to keep him for a few days, giving the person who lost him time to look for him and reclaim him. The girls were fully informed that this was temporary—the puppy was not a guaranteed addition to our family.
He was taken in only for the duration that the original owner might request him back. If that didn’t happen, we would consider keeping him—but only if the girls demonstrated they were responsible enough to take care of him properly.
That’s important context. Honestly, it sounds like the girls saw “foster” and heard “forever.” If you were clear from the start, they need to accept that conditions were attached.
Just be careful not to make the puppy feel like a temporary project. Dogs bond quickly, and instability can harm them too.
I see your point, but part of the deal was that the girls prove responsibility. OP didn’t just spring this on them. If they can’t even take the puppy outside, that is relevant.
“Don’t expect kids to care for pets” is how every family ends up with a 70-year-old grandma walking three Labradors at 6 a.m. while her adult kids sleep in.
NTA. You set clear expectations: the puppy stays only if the girls prove they can handle the responsibility. That’s not cruelty—that’s teaching accountability. Pets aren’t popcorn machines you walk away from when you’re bored.
YTA. Not because you want help, but because dangling “we’ll give him away” over kids’ heads is emotional whiplash. The puppy is a living being, not a punishment or bargaining chip. You should have waited until the girls actually showed they were responsible before letting a dog in at all.
NTA. Pee accidents, excitement urination, barking—this is standard puppy behavior, not misbehavior. What’s missing here isn’t just your kids’ responsibility, but also training structure. If you keep him, you’ll need crate training, consistent potty breaks, and clear rules. Otherwise, both puppy and kids will fail.
So let me get this straight:
Kids wanted a dog.
You gave them a dog.
Kids are acting like… kids.
Shocking plot twist! Next week: “AITA for being surprised water is wet?”
ESH. The girls shouldn’t shirk their promises, but you and your husband knew from the start they weren’t consistent. It’s not fair to the puppy to be used as a “test run.” He deserves stability, not conditional love.
NAH. Puppies are hard work. Kids always beg for them, then lose interest—every parent knows this cycle. You’re not wrong to warn them, but they’re also still kids. Expecting them to handle all the care alone is unrealistic. Best option? Share responsibilities, teach gradually, and keep the puppy only if the whole family is truly on board.