AITAH for refusing to pick my husband up from the hospital which led him to walk 2 miles home?
He has a history of managing his diabetes very poorly. I have found him almost dead over a dozen times, and the ambulance has had to be called. He is usually conscious, but a few times he’s been so low—in the 20s—that he is basically in a coma. He is very lucky that I find him, either waking up in the middle of the night or coming home in time. It’s absolutely terrifying, and I am worried every day that I’m going to just find him dead one day. He never acknowledges how this feels for me, just says, “it’s what happens when you have diabetes.”
Constant exposure to life-threatening situations can create chronic stress and trauma for caregivers. Feeling unrecognized in these high-stakes moments can lead to burnout, anxiety, and hypervigilance.
He also has a history of being extremely aggressive when he is low. Sometimes he’s goofy, but other times he is mean—spitting in my face, calling me a whore. I understand that it’s his low sugar talking and not him, but it’s still a lot to manage.
He has had a pump in the past, which helps a lot. But when he doesn’t use it properly—or, like now, his pump broke and we are waiting for a new one—he can’t monitor his sugar as well. That said, he also doesn’t eat well or monitor it like he should.
We had had an argument the other night, and I asked him to sleep on the couch so we could be separate. I hate doing that because if he goes low and he’s not next to me, I won’t know. I begged him to make sure he ate something substantial before he fell asleep so his sugar wouldn’t drop overnight.
Now I am 8 months pregnant. Thankfully, I wake up a lot to pee. I woke up at 4 AM, went to the bathroom, and decided to check on him. His sugar was incredibly low; he was sweaty all over, and when I woke him up, he started screaming at me to “kill yourself bitch.”
I called the ambulance. He was super aggressive with them too, and it took seven men—he’s a big guy, 280 pounds—to hold him down and get an IV in. He kept ripping it out.
They finally got his sugar up enough to be coherent, but they wanted to take him to the ER to be sure his sugar stayed stable. I refused to go with him. I just feel like I reached my breaking point. I’ve been through this so many times, and being pregnant, I just couldn’t deal with it. I went back to bed knowing he would be okay.
Chronic exposure to aggression, combined with life-threatening medical emergencies, can create caregiver fatigue. The additional vulnerability of pregnancy amplifies feelings of helplessness and self-preservation instincts.
He called me at 6:30 AM to say he needed a ride home. I said no and hung up. He came home two hours later, saying he had to walk home in his sock feet. He could have taken an Uber, or asked his parents, brother, or a friend for a ride.
Now he is blaming me for “making him walk home,” and his parents have said, “you don’t do something like that to someone you love.” I don’t feel like I made him do anything. I didn’t tell him to walk home. I didn’t think he would, because that is insane.
I’m so stressed out by this, which isn’t good for me being pregnant, but I just feel like I can’t say sorry like it was my fault.
So AITAH?
This story highlights the psychological toll of chronic medical crises on partners and caregivers. The combination of life-threatening emergencies, aggression, and lack of acknowledgment can lead to intense stress, trauma, and the need for strict personal boundaries.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
SecretHideOut1 — Get photo & video evidence of his aggressive outbursts, I have a feeling you’ll need it if you get a divorce and fight for Custody. NTA for not driving, YTA if you stay with a child who will certainly be traumatized over his outbursts. He might even turn his anger towards the child…
ThisWeekInTheRegency — He sounds exhausting. He’s basically decided not to manage his condition, and pushes the responsibility for keeping him alive onto you. That’s not marriage, it’s a 24/7 nursing gig. You need to lay out some ground rules before that baby gets there.
You can’t be monitoring him all the time while you’re caring for a newborn. He’s going to die because he refuses to be responsible. He’s about to be a father – he needs to realise he’s no longer the most important person in the room. If he doesn’t improve, I’d ask him to leave while you care for your new baby, to reduce your stress. NTA.
Bella1643412 — Ok, I’m a Type I diabetic, and this post literally has me boiling. “It’s what happens when you have diabetes.” I’ve had numerous episodes where I’m THAT low, and have NEVER made that statement. It’s not something to be blown off. Does he enjoy coming around and feeling like he has a hangover?
I have been told, even though I have no memory of it, that I do fight when I’m that low. I have also been told that the most coherent thing I’ve said during an episode is “Get off of me” and “F you”. I have never heard of a diabetic having a low yelling at their partner horrible things just for trying to help.
Yes, sometimes lows do happen, even when you have tried to prevent them. It causes stress for anyone living with a diabetic. You, OP, are NTA, but your husband absolutely is! I hope you show your husband this post.
Husband: you have a spouse and a baby on the way. Grow the f up, and take accountability. You should know very good and well that this is a pattern, and talk to your doc about decreasing your basal insulin until your pump comes in. Stop making excuses, and blowing off this disorder.
Elegant_Emergency_99 — NTA honestly this doesn’t sound like a safe relationship you’re about to give birth and your partner isn’t able or willing to care for themselves if possible especially with him getting aggressive.
You need to get out either stay with family or a close friend and use his history to get full custody tell him he’s not allowed to see the baby until he’s proven he’s no longer a threat to himself and others and willing to properly take care of himself because, at the moment, he’s not safe to be around for you or your child.
bythebrook88 — Sounds like all she has to do is stop waking him up, and he’ll slip into a diabetic coma. And who wants to wake someone up if they are going to treat you like that?
Elegant_Emergency_99 — For real my ass is too petty for that bullshit at that point I’d just tell him if he’s that desperate to go at least do me a solid and make sure he has a decent insurance policy
Beth21286 — “you don’t do something like that to someone you love.”
Well you don’t treat the wife you love who is 8 months pregnant with your child that way, but husband has no problem with it so neither should OP.
It doesn’t matter if he’s low when he says those things, he is low because he chooses to be, so he also chooses to say those things. He needs to wake up before OP decides to save her kid from him and leaves. Then no-one will be calling an ambulance for him at all.
If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
Source: Reddit
You are allowed to set boundaries. Even if his parents don’t agree, your life and mental health matter. No one should put a pregnant person in that situation.
NTA. You’re not responsible for his decisions. Your own health, and the safety of your unborn child, comes first.
Absolutely. This is classic caregiver trauma. You’re constantly managing life-and-death situations while being emotionally abused. Your reaction is completely normal.
YTA. But not for not picking him up from the hospital. You are having a child with him. A child that will grow up with his dad going in and out of comas. Great job!