I (36F) started my current job and quickly found myself in a unique situation: I was the only person responsible for a specific project, one that no one else really knew. If I was absent, no one covered it, and if I had questions, there wasn’t anyone to ask. Everyone else focused on their own teams, while I was essentially isolated. At first, it was overwhelming—I had to learn everything on my own while still delivering results.
The only colleague who offered help was someone with a reputation for being “difficult.” Most people said he was argumentative and impossible to work with for long, but I discovered that despite his personality, he was willing to help when I struggled. He explained technical steps, gave examples, and, importantly, when my anxiety flared up, he would tell me to take a deep breath and calm down. For me, that meant a lot because I didn’t feel supported anywhere else.
Over time, even though we weren’t close friends, I trusted him. While others complained about his behavior, he didn’t have issues with me, and our working relationship remained functional.
A few years later, I became pregnant and had to go on maternity leave. In Romania, we can stay home for an extended period after having a baby, so the company needed someone to cover my project for a long time. My colleague, who was dealing with conflicts in his own team, wanted to work on my project temporarily. I was asked for my opinion, and I agreed, thinking it would be good for him and for the project. I reminded him several times: “When I return, this project is mine again. You’re just covering.” He nodded, and I trusted things would go smoothly.
When I returned, I was shocked. He had changed completely. Gone was the colleague who encouraged me during anxious moments. He had become irritable and defensive. Whenever I asked about the project, he would theatrically remove his headphones, respond curtly, or say, “You should have known this already.” It felt like he was determined to prove the project was “his” now.
This wasn’t personal—my team lead noticed his attitude too. But I was in a tough spot. I wanted my project back; I had built it from scratch. But each day, I felt anxious, wondering what mood he would be in, and whether I would be made to feel incompetent.
Eventually, management split the project: we would work together, and I would start a new project. But the situation didn’t improve. I realized it wasn’t worth fighting for something that caused me so much stress. I admitted to myself: “Okay, I’m giving up the project.”
I moved to the new project, and the team was exactly what I needed: calm, cooperative, and supportive. The atmosphere was positive, and I felt I could breathe again. Letting go of what I had built was painful, but in retrospect, it was the right choice for my mental health.
Still… I can’t help but wonder: did I do the right thing? Should I have insisted on reclaiming my project, standing my ground? I could have argued my case with leadership, as it was clear he was the problem. But in the moment, all I felt was extreme fatigue, a survival instinct telling me, “Leave, find peace elsewhere.”
AITA for giving up my project instead of fighting for it, even though I knew it was mine and the colleague was clearly the problem?