I (38F) have an older brother who moved to Italy a few years ago with his wife. Their life there is stable now: they both have good jobs and, a few months ago, they became parents for the first time. This baby was very wanted, and the whole family was overjoyed when we got the news.
I also have my own family — I’m married with kids — but I never felt the same kind of emotion about being an aunt until now. My husband has a brother with kids too, and yes, I love them and consider them my nephews by marriage, but it’s not quite the same. This was my brother’s child, my niece by blood. Honestly, I’d been waiting for this moment with almost childish excitement.
My sister-in-law’s family already went to visit soon after the birth, which is perfectly normal — I wanted my parents close when I gave birth too. From afar, I was just waiting for my turn, but I didn’t want to pressure them. I never wanted to barge in, especially during those exhausting first months.
Then one day in conversation, my brother himself said: “Come, you should visit and see her, it would be nice to have you here.” That felt like the door opened. I got excited instantly. In my mind, I was already making plans: rent an Airbnb nearby or stay at a hotel, so we wouldn’t inconvenience them. My kids were excited too. I started checking flight prices, thinking about the best time to go.
A few days later, during another chat, I got a shock. We were talking again about visiting and my brother, very casually, said: “Well, we’ll see each other in a few months when we come back home.” I froze. It was like he was a different person from the one who had invited me. I even told him, a bit annoyed: “Good thing I didn’t already buy the tickets…”
He tried to explain, saying he thought it over and realized it would be too difficult to host me, my husband, and the kids in their small apartment. That surprised me even more because staying at their place was never part of the plan. I had already told him we’d get separate accommodation exactly so they wouldn’t feel pressured.
I felt disappointed, honestly even hurt. I responded more coldly and told him fine, we’d see each other back home then, but that I wouldn’t count on his words anymore. I even used a term I picked up from Seinfeld — that he was acting like an “Indian giver,” someone who offers something then takes it back.
Since then, I’ve been trying to calm down and let things be. But I keep wondering: did I make a mistake by not insisting? Should I have explained again that we never planned to stay with them, that we just wanted to meet our niece?
On one hand, I think maybe I should have reassured him more, made it extra clear we weren’t planning to invade their space. Maybe he panicked, or maybe his wife wasn’t ready to have visitors. I know postpartum can be overwhelming, and I truly don’t want to judge.
But on the other hand, he was the one who invited me. I didn’t pressure him, I didn’t ask, I didn’t push. I just got happy and started planning. Then, without a clear reason, he backtracked. It felt like having the rug pulled out from under me.
So now here’s my dilemma: Am I wrong for not clarifying and not pushing to still come? Or is it fair to feel hurt and to step back after my brother took one step forward and then two steps back?