AITA for refusing to forgive my in-laws after they tried to prove my baby wasn’t my husband’s?

So this is kind of a messy story, and honestly, I don’t even know where to begin.

I (29F) have been married to my husband (31M) for four years. For the most part, our relationship is good — we’re partners in every sense, and we’ve always been on the same team. But his parents, my FIL and MIL, have been a source of tension since the start.

They’ve never really liked me. From the first time I met them, I felt the chill. They weren’t openly rude, but they were polite in that fake, distant way where you know you’re being judged. MIL in particular made her disapproval clear in little ways: backhanded compliments, awkward silences, comparing me to women from “better families.” I don’t come from the same background or social class as they do, and I think MIL had a fantasy of her son marrying someone “handpicked.”

Still, I tried. I smiled, I brought gifts, I invited them over. I thought time and effort would melt the ice. But nothing really worked.

Fast forward to last year — I got pregnant. My husband and I were thrilled. It felt like a new chapter, a chance to build something of our own. His parents, however, didn’t share the excitement. MIL made comments like, “Well, we’ll see if the baby even looks like one of ours.” At the time, I brushed it off as another one of her digs. Hurtful, yes, but I didn’t take it seriously.

A month after my daughter was born, things took a darker turn. FIL invited my husband out for coffee. Later that evening, my husband sat me down and told me that his dad had asked for a paternity test. Apparently, MIL had been whispering doubts into FIL’s ear, planting the idea that maybe I had cheated and the baby wasn’t really his. FIL tried to soften it by saying he just wanted “peace of mind,” but the implication was clear — they didn’t trust me.

What makes it worse? FIL actually went through with a DNA test behind our backs. To this day, I don’t even know how he got samples, but somehow, he did. And when the results came in, he told my husband that the baby wasn’t his.

Except… the baby is my husband’s. 100%. The test didn’t say what FIL expected it to. What it actually revealed was that my daughter isn’t biologically related to FIL. Which means my husband isn’t his biological son.

Yes, you read that right. In trying to prove I was unfaithful, they uncovered MIL’s decades-old secret. She had cheated, and my husband is the product of that affair.

The fallout has been explosive. FIL is devastated, his entire identity as a father shaken. MIL is in denial, trying to minimize it, but also somehow blaming me. She told me that if I “hadn’t forced this family into tests,” none of this would have come out — as if I orchestrated the whole thing, when in reality it was their own paranoia and distrust that caused it.

My husband is heartbroken. On one hand, he’s furious at his mother for lying all his life. On the other hand, he says he finally understands why he always felt like the black sheep. He isn’t mad at me at all — he’s been supportive and clear that I did nothing wrong. But it’s a lot for him to process, and I can see the pain in his eyes when he talks about it.

As for me, I feel betrayed and humiliated. These people accused me of cheating, tried to delegitimize my daughter, and in the process destroyed their own family secret. And now, unbelievably, they’re acting like I should be the one to extend grace, to “understand the pain they’re in,” and not “punish them by keeping the baby away.”

“Psychologically, this is a textbook case of projection and control. MIL projected her own past infidelity onto OP, accusing her of the very thing she herself had done. When people harbor unresolved guilt or secrets, they often lash out at others to deflect suspicion and maintain control. In this case, MIL’s attempt to ‘protect the family’ by undermining OP actually detonated the very foundation of her marriage.”

The audacity of it blows my mind. They doubted my fidelity, went behind our backs, and now want sympathy because their own lie got exposed. They want to see my baby, to play doting grandparents, when just weeks ago they were trying to strip her of legitimacy.

My husband says it’s my call whether or not to allow them around our daughter. And honestly? I don’t want them near her. I don’t trust them, I don’t respect them, and I don’t think they deserve access until they take real accountability. A genuine apology — not deflection, not blame-shifting, not crocodile tears. But every time the subject comes up, they just circle back to how “this has been so hard on them.”

I know withholding access to a grandchild is a big step, and part of me wonders if I’m being too harsh. But another part feels like letting them in without consequences would be rewarding their cruelty.

So here I am, torn. Am I the asshole for refusing to forgive my in-laws and not letting them see my baby until they give a real, sincere apology?