AITA for stepping in when my older son kept teasing his younger brother, even though my parents say I overreacted?

I (40F) have two boys, Ethan (13) and Ryan (9). Like a lot of siblings, they bicker and tease each other, but lately, it has crossed a line. Ethan constantly pokes fun at Ryan — calling him “baby,” mocking his hobbies, hiding his toys, and laughing when Ryan gets upset. On the surface it might look like typical sibling rivalry, but as someone who grew up being endlessly teased by my older sister while my parents brushed it off as “kids being kids,” I know how deep those wounds can go.

Background:
Growing up, my sister made my life miserable with relentless teasing. She’d insult my looks, hide my things, and make jokes at my expense in front of family and friends. Whenever I told my parents, they’d dismiss it with “don’t be so sensitive” or “that’s just how siblings are.” I learned to internalize my hurt and shame because I thought I was the problem for reacting. Honestly, it damaged my confidence well into adulthood.

So when I see Ethan doing similar things to Ryan, alarm bells go off in my head. I promised myself that I would never repeat my parents’ mistake of minimizing cruelty under the excuse of sibling rivalry.

The Incident:
Last week, Ryan had been working hard on a little LEGO project. He’s very creative, and it took him a few days to build this spaceship. He proudly showed it to all of us. Ethan smirked, made some comment about it looking “like a baby toy,” and then “accidentally” knocked part of it over while pretending to walk past. Ryan’s face just fell. He held back tears and asked Ethan to stop being mean. Ethan just laughed and said, “Relax, I’m just joking.”

That was it for me.

I told Ethan to sit down at the table, and I spoke very firmly. I said, “This isn’t funny. What you’re doing is mean, and it needs to stop. I know you think it’s harmless teasing, but when you constantly put down your brother, it chips away at his confidence. You may not realize it, but this can stick with him for years.”

Ethan rolled his eyes and muttered, “You’re overreacting, Mom. Everyone teases their siblings.”

That phrase — everyone teases their siblings — was like a knife to me, because it was exactly what my parents used to say when I begged them for help as a child. It made me even more determined not to let Ryan feel as invisible and dismissed as I once did.

The Consequence:
I told Ethan that until he could show genuine respect to his brother, his privileges (phone and gaming console) were suspended for a week. I explained that this wasn’t about punishment for the sake of punishment — it was about accountability. Words matter. Actions matter. And the excuse of “just joking” doesn’t erase the harm caused.

Ethan sulked and accused me of favoring Ryan. He even told my parents later, who in turn called me and said I was being “too harsh.” My mom said, “Come on, siblings tease each other. It’s part of growing up.” Hearing that honestly made my blood boil. That very mentality is what made me feel unprotected as a kid.

Research on sibling dynamics shows that chronic teasing, even when disguised as jokes, can function as a form of emotional bullying. Unlike playful banter, which is mutual, constant one-sided teasing creates a power imbalance. The younger sibling often feels inferior, unheard, and unsafe in their own home. If unchecked, it can leave scars that shape self-esteem, social confidence, and even future relationships.

Parents who dismiss it as “normal” unintentionally enable the aggressor and silence the victim. In my case, the cycle could have easily repeated — Ryan would grow up internalizing that his feelings don’t matter, while Ethan would learn that cruelty has no consequences.

By stepping in, I wanted to disrupt that cycle. Yes, I embarrassed Ethan in front of his brother by calling him out, but embarrassment is temporary. Resentment and long-term emotional harm are not.

Aftermath:
Over the week, Ethan was noticeably grumpy. But slowly, he softened. One evening, I overheard him helping Ryan rebuild his LEGO spaceship. He didn’t outright apologize, but he sat with him and said, “You should add more wings, it’d look cooler.” Ryan lit up at the attention, and it warmed my heart to see even a tiny step toward a healthier bond.

Do I know for sure Ethan won’t tease again? No. But I believe boundaries matter, and sometimes parents have to be the “bad guy” in the short term to be the protector in the long run.

Reflection:
Part of me feels guilty for being so strict, especially since my parents made me feel like my own childhood pain wasn’t valid. But another part of me is proud that I broke the pattern. Parenting isn’t about letting kids “figure it out” when one is hurting another — it’s about actively teaching empathy, respect, and responsibility.

Moral of the Story:
Sibling teasing isn’t always harmless. Repeated mockery can damage a child’s sense of self just as much as school bullying. By intervening, I may have caused some friction, but I also showed my children that words have weight and that I won’t let hurt be brushed off in my home.

TL;DR: My older son teased his younger brother to the point of tears. I intervened strongly, restricted privileges, and called him out, even though my parents think I’m overreacting. I grew up dismissed when I was bullied by my sibling, and I refuse to repeat that cycle. AITA for handling it this way?