AITAH for calling kids school after harassing me at work.
This may be long, but I’ll keep it short. My job was shutting down stores, and I was stressed while closing mine. One day a group of teen girls came in. I greeted them but they mocked me, asking if I was allowed to be on my phone and what my boss would think. Their tone wasn’t curious, just rude. I told them to leave and they refused until security threatened to arrest them. As they left, they called me a “loser.” A few days later they tried to come back but left when they saw me. I thought it was over.
The OP was already under high stress due to store closures, which can lower emotional tolerance and increase reactivity to minor provocations. The mocking behavior of the teens likely triggered a stress response and heightened vigilance, making it harder to remain calm and detached.
My store closed, I transferred, and one day I randomly saw one of the girls on a local Instagram page. That’s how I learned her name and school, I didn’t go looking, it just popped up. Then she showed up at my new store. While I was helping a customer, she made faces and stuck out her tongue. I asked her to leave or I’d call security, and she argued until my coworkers stepped in. As she left, she filmed me. I was drained, so I contacted her school. The dean was apologetic and said he’d talk to her. Recently, I saw her outside taking pictures of the store. When she realized I saw her, she left, but my coworker saw her and a friend still hanging around. I left another voicemail for the school.
Repeated harassment, even by a minor, can be perceived as a real threat to safety and mental well-being. The OP’s decision to contact the school is a healthy boundary-setting response rather than escalation. Feeling drained and anxious reflects normal stress reactions to repeated provocation.
The next day the store phone rang. It was her name on the caller ID. My coworker answered because I was too anxious. She was upset, saying she didn’t know how I got her info, that she feels “harassed” since she’s a minor, and demanded my name/number (which my coworker didn’t give). She called the store four times in a row. Now I’m anxious about going to work. I’ve told my boss everything, kept reports, and coworkers have witnessed the behavior. But I feel guilty, like maybe I did something wrong by reporting her to her school even though I just want to do my job in peace. I’m not targeting her, I’m not obsessed, and I didn’t “stalk” her—her name popped up online and that’s it. So, AITA for reporting her?
Guilt and self-doubt are common when enforcing boundaries with minors due to social norms (“shouldn’t involve children in conflicts”). However, anxiety responses—like avoiding work or hyperawareness of the student—are normal psychological reactions to harassment. From a mental health standpoint, keeping records and involving authority figures is an adaptive coping strategy, not wrongdoing.
This is whgat community had to say:
sublime_369: NTA. She was harassing you, not the other way around. It’s not like you continued calling the school once she stopped since she didn’t stop. Essentially every sequence was initiated by her actions. She knows full well if she just left it well alone, you would be off her case, but she’s calling and playing victim. This is essentially a power play and more harassment from her under the guise of “I’m a minor and you’ll get in trouble.” If she starts anything more, have a coworker or your boss report her so it’s not just always you. I would also consider a restraining order from the store if she comes causing trouble again.
Adventurous-Bar520: Sorry but this minor needs to learn there are consequences for her behaviour. Contacting the school was correct, as any student represents the school when out in public, and her behaviour was abhorrent. She should be taken to task over bringing the schools name into disrepute and realise the repercussions of not behaving in public. You could report her to the police.
Traditional-Sky-2547: NTA. Go to the police with. She’s claiming you are harassing her when she added you to her Instagram and found your store. Now-she is calling you and threatening. Reporting to her school is not enough action. You need to go to the police with the evidence and get harassment/stalking charges filed. Her parents will probably be responsible for any legal or monetary damages because she’s under 18. They won’t be happy once the cops show them the evidence. Who knows what their little darling is telling them now.
OldGeekWeirdo: NTA. Calling the school is a level down from calling the police. Apparently the school thought it was worth doing something or they would have brushed her off. Time to teach her that actions have consequences or she’ll be a real terror after she graduates.
Patient_Library_253: Not sure where you are from OP but here in Japan it’s very normal to contact the school in these situations. The students walk around with their school name and their name on the uniform. But every now and then we’ll have a student get caught doing something they shouldn’t (stealing, vandalism, noise disturbances etc.) and the business will call the school. The school then informs the parents and has a meeting with the kid. That’s how they do it here.
ashvin812: All of this can be avoided by filing a harassment against her. If she is stalking you, file it. She found where your new work is. That is creepy and is taking pictures of your work and calling your work for your info. Not ok. You shouldn’t have called the school, but called the cops and reported it. Nothing will happen the first time. It is more to scare the other party. (Her). But when she came back you would have had a good claim against her since you have a new work. So my advice, keep records. Do not contact anyone she is in contact with (school, people, socials). But when she come by again, call cops and get the claims going against her. It will take time to get a record of her actions in place that would stand in court if you need the protection of a restraining order. But if you contact anyone she knows, you will look just as guilty of harassment. So just don’t and protect yourself from here on out.
naranghim: NTA, time to call the school again and report her for trying to get you in trouble at your job by playing the “I’m a minor and OP has to be harassing me because I got in trouble at school for it!!” Tell the dean she’s demanded your name and home phone number. She wanted you fired for getting her in trouble.
Sunfair: NTA, but the school should not be confirming the minor’s attendance at the school. They should require parent permission to confirm that the student attends their school.
Solid_Caterpillar678: She got some big girl consequences and is throwing a tantrum. She sounds pretty entitled and like someone who doesn’t hear “No” very often. If she calls again tell her she’s lucky you just called the school and not the police. If she calls or comes to the school again you will press charges for trespassing or stalking. Then do not communicate with her again. Just follow through with calling the police.
slonkycat: NTA but I don’t understand the people thinking you should’ve called the police because the school shouldn’t be involved. If you call the police then the school gets involved by default. They would be informed and have an obligation to safeguard their students and that means being in the loop about potential criminal charges. Calling the school instead of the police is actually a step down from calling the police.
waluigiwaaaah: There’s a surprising amount of kids that act like assholes (both online and in real life) and then cry minor when they face consequences.
SkysEevee: NTA. She harassed you first. Also, a good lesson for her about internet safety. You don’t cover your tracks and be careful with information, people can find you. And she’s lucky all you did was call the Dean. There are people who would do far worse.
Fit-Dinner-1651: NTA.
Pkfrompa: NTA. Now she’s escalated it and it’s time to call the police.
Individual_Metal_983: Her name probably popped up because she has been looking you up. So it suggested her to you. She is the one harassing you. NTA.
Politely_Pout818: NTA, she wanted to be a brat so she gets treated like one.
IFollowtheCarpenter: OP: from your description, you are not the asshole.
TwilightSparkle1978: Go to the police, that is harassment and stalking. And she was taking pictures of you and the store.
RedStatePurpleGuy: ESH. Of course the girls were rude and disrespectful, and that’s not right. But this wasn’t a school matter at all. To involve the school was misguided. You’re an adult (presumably), and sometimes as adults we have to just take the high road.
Substantial_Crab3937: NTA and half the people in these comments are incredibly ignorant. Once you refused service, it should’ve ended there. You can refuse service for any reason, it doesn’t matter what the minor did or didn’t do in this situation, especially when they refuse to leave even when security is involved. There is no stalking or harassment from OP, a lot of you are missing the part where the student’s name and school came up on a local Instagram page. They did not go out of their way to look for her page. When the harassment continued, they have every right to go as far as calling the police but didn’t want to do that as they didn’t want this girl to face serious issues. They called the school instead since they had that info hoping it would be a wake up call to stop harassing OP and show that their actions have consequences, even to a complete stranger. Calling schools to report students is extremely common, more so with online conduct than physical conduct like in this case, but calling the school over physical conduct is also common, just not in the US.
CuriousMika: NTA!Fit-Dinner-1651: NTA.
Pkfrompa: NTA. Now she’s escalated it and it’s time to call the police.
Individual_Metal_983: Her name probably popped up because she has been looking you up. So it suggested her to you. She is the one harassing you. NTA.
Politely_Pout818: NTA, she wanted to be a brat so she gets treated like one.
IFollowtheCarpenter: OP: from your description, you are not the asshole.
TwilightSparkle1978: Go to the police, that is harassment and stalking. And she was taking pictures of you and the store.
RedStatePurpleGuy: ESH. Of course the girls were rude and disrespectful, and that’s not right. But this wasn’t a school matter at all. To involve the school was misguided. You’re an adult (presumably), and sometimes as adults we have to just take the high road.
Substantial_Crab3937: NTA and half the people in these comments are incredibly ignorant. Once you refused service, it should’ve ended there. You can refuse service for any reason, it doesn’t matter what the minor did or didn’t do in this situation especially when they refuse to leave even when security is involved. There is no stalking or harassment from OP, a lot of you are missing the part where the student’s name and school came up on a local Instagram page. They did not go out of their way to look for her page. When the harassment continued, they have every right to go as far as calling the police but didn’t want to do that as they don’t want this girl to face serious issues. They called the school instead since they had that info hoping it would be a wake up call to stop harassing OP and show that their actions do have consequences, even to a complete stranger. Calling schools to report students is extremely common, more so with online conduct than physical conduct like in this case, but calling the school over physical conduct is also common, just not in the US.
CuriousMika: NTA!
ThirdW_83: You work in a management position in retail and you can’t handle a teenager being slightly rude to you? Her crime was asking if you were allowed to be on your phone while working, in a gasp rude tone. Wow, lady, don’t know how you get out of bed every day. YTA.
Immediate-Pickle69: My god.. Here, have some paragraphs: I used to work at a store that was closing, and during a stressful shift, a group of teen girls came in and mocked me. They refused to leave until security got involved, and as they left, they called me a loser. Later, they came back but left when they saw me. I thought it was over. My store closed, I transferred, and months later I randomly saw one of the girls’ names on a local Instagram page—it wasn’t me searching for her, it just showed up. She eventually came into my new store and harassed me again—making faces, refusing to leave, and filming me. Exhausted, I reported her behavior to her school, and the dean was apologetic. Not long after, she started hanging around outside my store and even called the store multiple times, accusing me of “harassing” her and demanding my personal info (which my coworker didn’t give). Now I’m anxious about going to work, but I’ve documented everything and told my boss. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong—I just want to do my job in peace. So, am I the asshole for reporting her to her school?
GrimR3: NTA. Kids think they are anonymous in the modern world and don’t think consequences apply to them. Calling the cops is legal but may be against company policies.
FitConflict4934: Why does the text have pipe characters in place of the letter I? Your store phone tells you people’s names?
East-Ad-1560: Is there a mall manager? If there is, I would let them know what is going on. The girl may be causing problems at other stores as well and they will need to know.
dungeondaddy56: I mean they’re kids so maybe it was a bit much, sounds like annoying behavior more than anything. That said, maybe she shouldn’t have been disrespectful to a total stranger for laughs. Kids need to learn, this’ll help her learn or make her worse. Either way it isn’t on you, its on her and her parents.
No_Mention3516: NTA.
Spare_Ad5009: NTA. She is entitled, rude, and a nasty person. Call the police and ask them what can be done. For example, a restraining order.
normanbeets: I have no judgement but I do think you fucked up calling this kid’s school twice before going to the police. This is a child and it’s going to look weird that you figured out her personal information before reporting to authorities.
ConflictGullible392: ESH. It’s not school hours, so the school has nothing to do with it, not sure why you’re making it their problem. Contacting parents would make more sense.
kingtaytaybee: There’s got to be stuff missing from this story. Store security isn’t going to threaten to arrest teenage girls for just bothering a cashier. I’ve worked plenty of retail positions, and unless you’re being physically harassed you can’t even have the customer leave. So following your story, you got bugged by bored bratty teens, took such offense that when you saw the kids’ information, you tattled to the school not once but twice and got upset when the kid felt harassed? This is creepy and unnecessary, yta.
Entire-Ad2058: Paragraphs.
yeeticusprime1: Her name popped up on the caller ID? On a phone where you wouldn’t have her personal number saved? Fake.
ParadeQueen: I don’t know where you live but in our area that is not the case especially for something as simple as trespassing and sticking their tongue out and making faces at a store clerk. It is not a felony, it is not violent, what do you expect the school to do? The kid is not going to get expelled because of this, and they’re not going to get suspended or face any disciplinary action from the school. You can insist on calling the school as much as you want, but we’re not going to do anything about it and there’s no reason that we need to even know about it.
Dull_Double1531: From your description it sounds like you encountered this girl, what, twice? And she just kind of teased you like an asshole teenager. If she’s that obtrusive then fine have security kick her out. But I don’t see why you felt you needed to take it any further. Someone else commented that the school isn’t responsible for what their students do outside of school, but that you felt going to the police was too extreme so you went with the school option. I guess I understand that, but from your description alone she just sounds like a bratty kid. I wouldn’t have felt the need to call the school or thought that would make a difference. From her perspective it does seem wild that you stumbled on her info and contacted the school, I’d be weirded out, too. She shouldn’t have demanded your contact info though. If she keeps showing up just get her kicked out. I guess NTA in the end, because I wasn’t there to witness her behavior. Everyone is saying contact the police but I think that would be an overreaction unless she’s showing up all the time or trying to follow you home or some other bananas behavior. I think if you said “this teenage girl keeps coming to my store to make faces at me and call me names” to the police, you’d look kind of loony. But again this was just your summarized version of events that I’m going off of.
DoughnutMission1292: YTA because I’m just confused about you calling this child’s school. I’m honestly surprised the dean gave you the time of day lol.
Ok_Maintenance7716: She will likely complain to your corporate office and get you fired.
MnB232323: Youre scared of an undisciplined child. Annoying customers are part of the job, but you could always report her for harassment I guess. Using the “I’m a child” excuse doesn’t work when you’re driving yourself around harassing people, go to your manager, have her 86ed for harassment if you can. Anyways NTA.
LackingTact19: Why would you call her school? That is pretty odd and she’s probably super freaked out. Not really buying the whole “I just happened to find her Instagram” story.
cydril: YTA, what are you expecting the school to do? They don’t police kids outside school hours.
Disastrous-Nail-640: I’m curious why you would contact the school though. What are they supposed to do about it? Sure, the dean was apologetic and said he’d talk to her. Of course he said that. What else was he supposed to say? But schools aren’t responsible for their behavior outside of school. I’m going with NTA because I think you simply didn’t know what else to do. This, however, was an issue for security and police. The school can’t do anything.
[deleted]: ESH. Teenage brat, but you over-reacted when you called her school. What is your manager doing? Playing with himself? He should have banned her from the store and made sure she understood if she showed up again it would be trespassing. He gets paid to manage, so make him earn those big bucks.
67TungTungCappucina: YTA finding a teenage girl’s personal info is creepy. You work in customer service; people are gonna be jerks, just deal with it.
Tasty-Dust9501: ESH, you should have reported her to the police, not to her school.
Squirrels-love-me: YTA—she can be in public.
Infinite-Cat-Peep: YTA—going outside the area where you interacted (the store) is too much, especially for a kid who’s just making faces at you / calling you names. You can deal with the behavior at the store but you cannot go outside the store area unless there is a believable threat, like “my friends and I are going to hit you.” In future, before you take any steps, you should ask your manager for advice on what to do, and do NOT do anything more than he or she recommends. For this instance, leave her alone. Completely, strictly, alone. Ask your manager to ban her from the store, and anytime she comes in, go find security to escort her out. Ask your manager if it would be ok for the next person to talk to her to say, “We understand your concern. It was not a deliberate attempt to find you, but we can all end it here. You stay away from the store and our employees, the employees will stay away from you.” When there is a conflict, going outside the area of conflict is called escalating. You have to be careful how you do that, especially with minors. It seems like you don’t know the rules well enough to escalate properly, so in future ask someone who might know better, like your manager, before you escalate.
puppetscereal: I think the word “minor” in common, everyday speech can get retired for a while
deado123: YTA for not using paragraphs. NTA on everything else.
LdiJ46: The optimum thing would be to ban her from the store and call the police if she trespasses. The store owner or manager would have to do that.
Dizzy_Needleworker_3: Idk that I would consider faces and sticking tongue out as harassment. I think OP escalated unnecessarily, this wasn’t even a school related issue. She wasn’t on a field trip, what authority does the school have to say about this?
Chimpchar: Generally speaking if you’re old enough to say ‘I’m a minor’ to try and get out of trouble, you’re old enough that you shouldn’t be excused based on your age imo
Deep_Marzipan2328: Yeah I was hoping the school would stop it and kinda give her a wake up call.
zerostar83: I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that OP probably was seeing her Instagram because she associated OP in some way on that platform.
Deep_Marzipan2328: Yeah I was very appreciative to the school. They were nice.
Deep_Marzipan2328: Yea I had other jobs that did the same thing.
Deep_Marzipan2328: Thank you for the advice.
Deep_Marzipan2328: Yeah I see that and how it can be dangerous.
Deep_Marzipan2328: Yeah she seemed really entitled. The first time she was kicked out by security I don’t think she thought the guy would actually throw her out. She kept saying she didn’t do anything and she was shopping, so I think I might have hurt her ego or something by not handling her bull shit.
Deep_Marzipan2328: Yea I also thought getting the police involved was too far. I thought the school would give her a wake up call.
Source: Reddit