WIBTA for rehoming my brothers birds?
I (27) live at home with my parents (50s) and little brother (13). He had two budgies that he got for his 9th birthday. He’d been wanting birds since he was 5/6. He did say he was gonna take care of them and we all knew better because he was 9. So the care fell onto my mom. My dad wasn’t thrilled about getting birds but let it happen. I was indifferent, but I let my mom know I wasn’t going to be taking care of them. I had reptiles and cats of my own I cared for.
At 9 years old, most children lack the developmental maturity and executive function to consistently care for pets. It’s common for parents to underestimate the level of daily commitment required. Here, the responsibility defaulted to adults, highlighting a family dynamic where expectations may not match a child’s capabilities.
Well, fast forward maybe 2 weeks and he didn’t care about the birds anymore. In the over 4 years we’ve had them, the care and cleaning fell onto me. After a year, I was over it. He didn’t care about the birds anymore and they were just basically shoved into a corner and forgotten about by the family. As much as loud birds can be forgotten about. I would check to make sure they had food and water but I was over them. Finally, my dad on weekends would give them food and water and their cage wouldn’t be cleaned. I’ve been trying to get my mom to rehome them for over 2 years and she won’t budge on it. She keeps saying no. They’re basically a look-only pet and just in a small cage in the corner of the living room.
The ongoing neglect and lack of proper cage maintenance raises serious animal welfare concerns. Chronic caregiver burnout is apparent in the OP, which is psychologically common in situations where older siblings or adults assume responsibilities for a child’s neglected pets. The parents’ inaction exacerbates this stress and perpetuates a pattern of learned dependency in the younger sibling.
Today, the cats were scaling the cage for the millionth time and I kind of just snapped telling my mom I was about to just find them a new home with or without her permission. My brother heard me and just started screaming at me that they’re his birds and he wants to keep them. I asked him when was the last time he fed or watered them or cleaned their cage. (Yes he had been shown how to.) He said he gave them water a few weeks ago but that’s all he did.
The emotional escalation reflects adolescent egocentrism and heightened emotional reactivity. At 13, your brother may feel strong ownership over the birds despite failing to meet caretaking responsibilities. The OP’s frustration and snapping is understandable, given years of unacknowledged effort and burnout. These dynamics are common in blended family responsibilities where accountability is unevenly distributed.
Not only are they not being properly cared for, but their cage is like 1/4 of the size it should be. The cherry on top? The cats that scale the cage? His cat and my mom’s cat. My two don’t care about the birds and just lay around like lazy cats do. He doesn’t even take care of his cat. It’s me since they use the same litter boxes and all that stuff. I don’t know why my mom keeps getting him pets. He had a hamster that ended up living in my room being taken care of by me. The only thing that boy cares about is playing games, watching YouTube and avoiding showers.
Sorry if this is all over the place, I’m just really frustrated over this whole situation and need some outside advice on what to do.
This section illustrates multiple stressors in the household: insufficient space for pets, overlapping animal care duties, and a younger sibling who lacks motivation for responsibilities. Psychologically, the OP is experiencing moral distress—a common reaction when someone is responsible for vulnerable beings but unable to ensure their welfare. The repeated cycle of neglect and secondary caretaking likely compounds frustration and feelings of unfairness.
What community had to say:
EmuRemarkable1099
I just feel sorry for those birds. They should have been rehomed a long time ago (or better yet, not owned by your family at all)Fubaryall
If he doesn’t care for them properly or at all, rehome them. It is kinder to the birds.Ancient-Actuator7443
Rehome them. They deserve betterPersonalityFuture151
Do it. Say it was for their safety as your cats were getting ready to do it for all y’all. What’s the worse that can happen? They will be mad. And???Donutsmell
Rehome the birds before the cats kill them.Syveril
People are so shit with their judgments. YWNBTA if you do the thing you’re asking judgment about. Not going to add weird other judgments about your situation that you didn’t ask about.scifidragonlady
Tell your mom and your brother that you are making a chart for feeding and watering. You’ll write who feeds and waters the birds for two weeks. If your brother had not fed and watered his OWN birds for two weeks, you are rehoming the birds regardless of anyone’s opinion. Or. You could get your own place and remove yourself from the entire equation.Pristine_Direction79
It’s so hard with animals because if you stop, they might actually be neglected to a point that they could die in there. I would start a countdown. Be very vocal about the timeline of the countdown, and very vocal every time you feed and water the birds during the countdown. In fact, if y’all sit down to dinner I would wait until that moment, then get up and do the birds. Every time. Make it a big production. Your environment is messed up on a certain deep level and I’m not gonna unpack that but you gotta make your brother’s tantrum less annoying than listening to you countdown when the birds will leave.FinalConsequence70
YTA, he’s the AH. Your parents are the AH. Your whole family is basically abusing and neglecting these birds. Get them the F outta your house and give them to someone who will actually provide them with the proper care. This is cruelty, full stop, and you’re all equally to blame for letting it go on as long as it has. Those poor, poor, things.Objective_Air8976
ESH. Why are the cats allowed in the same room as the birds? Why isn’t anyone stopping them from messing with the cage? I understand being over their care but you should at least be making sure the cats aren’t messing with them. If you want you could potentially talk to an animal service and see if they do home checks. I’m not sure if that’s a thing for birds but a lot of places will do checks on if dogs are properly cared for.Constant_Host_3212
YTA. Move the fuck out and get your own place with your own cats. Stop letting your little brother and parents walk all over you or living in a situation where animals are being abused and you’re expected to put up with it.GeckoSupreme1991
ESH. All of you. Mainly your family. But unfortunately you as well, for going along with the neglect. Rehome the birds and move out.Komodo_2099
I’m going to say NTA for wanting to rehome the birds, but don’t do it immediately. Draw a hard line first and refuse to care for them, as you have said you do not want to, and they are not your pets. If they are still not being cared for properly, then bring it up to your parents that the birds are not being cared for because neglecting your pets is abusive.ForsakenWestern7212
Yes, YWBTA if you rehomed pets that the rest of your family has explicitly told you they don’t want to rehome. They aren’t your pets, it’s your parent’s home and they’re taking care of their minor son’s pet for him. Just because you don’t like how they are caring for them doesn’t give you the right to get rehome against their permission. Sounds like there’s a lot of pets running around that are being cared for by the larger family unit, which is typically the case in a shared household. If you want to take care of your pets and only your pets, you’re an adult you can move into your own house.Ok-Context1168
I mean, it’s your parents house so you really don’t have any stay. Stop caring for them. Like do zero for them and they’ll cave. No one should get a pet and then neglect it and make others care for them.OfAnOldRepublic
Isn’t the biggest problem here that you’re 27, and still live with your parents?Healthy_Meal1485
AND provide stimulating toys, AND play with the birds half an hour minimum each day.Konkuriito
Isn’t that an ESH?Get them the F outta your house and give them to someone who will actually provide them with the proper care.
OP is the only one in the house who wants to do this, so why on Earth would you say YTA?stuckindread
The birds are in the living room. There’s no way to keep the cats out unless the cats are locked in a bedroom or bathroom. We’ve all been trying but they’re stubborn cats. The cage has been anchored to the wall so it doesn’t get knocked over. I don’t know what else I can try to keep the cats away. I redirect them, and scold them. My mom uses a squirt bottle which I hate, but the cats don’t care.Tommsey
Your whole comment is an Edited To Add?? I’m so confused. Do you mean ESH?Discount_Mithral
This is terrible advice. Some birds are extremely susceptible to stress and starvation. You’re condemning these already ignored and neglected birds to a death sentence.SteampunkRobin
Budgies can starve to death in like 2 days. Refusing to feed them can mean almost immediate death basically.stuckindread
Maybe I need to look up bird care more, but don’t they need fed and watered more than once a week? And a cage cleaned at least occasionally?SquirrellyGrrly
You really want her to let the birds die?MarxistSocialWorker
In this economy???FinalConsequence70
I was channeling my inner Oprah. You get a YTA, they get a YTA, EVERYONE gets a YTA!FinalConsequence70
Ummmm, because according to OP, she’s been trying to get her mom to re-home them for TWO YEARS. If I had a family member neglecting their pet, I would have gotten them out in TWO DAYS, if not sooner. I’d have said, I’m taking them now, or I’m reporting you for abuse, and followed through. Who the F complain for TWO YEARS and does nothing else about it? An a-hole, that’s who.Objective_Air8976
Then you need to move the birds. It’s cruel and neglectful to just continue this level of care for them. You’re an adult in your own right and have some responsibility to make sure the animals around you are cared for.GeckoSupreme1991
Yep that’s what I meant lol. Sorry its not often I feel everyone involved is an AGeckoSupreme1991
Yes. Once a week isn’t nearly enough! Especially for tiny birds with fast metabolisms.Objective_Air8976
…. once a week! Oh no you gotta step up their care, rehome these birds, or move.ForsakenWestern7212
Seeing as they’ve been alive for 4* years it seems as though they’re getting adequate care.OfAnOldRepublic
Username checks outaxw3555
Sure, but YTA means “OP is the AH, no one else is an AH”.Ophede
Alive and thriving are two very different things.SquirrellyGrrly
OP is the one doing the care, only because they’d die otherwise, not because she wants to. The options are letting the family starve/mistreat the birds leading to death within the week, rehome them, or continue caring for them despite never having wanted them, outright telling the family from before the birds were even purchased that she wasn’t going to be caring for them, and having been stuck in the position of taking care of them anyway for years.MarxistSocialWorker
Fair.OfAnOldRepublic
LOL, I upvoted you for owning your stuff. I think it’s hilarious that people are downvoting me, and meanwhile you’re all, “yeah, that’s about right. 🤣”MarxistSocialWorker
Like you got me dead to rights what am I gonna do lie about it lol. No one needs to downvote you for catching the truth.
Source: Reddit